Newton Abbot Orchestra Members' Page

Hi guys! This page is for you!
Who knows what we might want to see here in the future, but to make a start here's a listing of the orchestra's previous repertoire, along with suggestions for new pieces – plus oboe Cath has started the ball rolling with the 'Orchestra Jokes' section - please feel free to send your own to: palmerwills(at)tiscali.co.uk

Any ideas for this page and/or actual content please send to:
clive(at)silveraven.co.uk

(Please substitute the '@' symbol in the middle of the email addresses given - we're trying to avoid those spam-bots harvesting our addresses!)

Listen to the current repertoire

Nearly everything can usually be found on Youtube these days. Though often played at break-neck speed!
Where appropriate I (horn Clive) shall endeavour to create slowed down versions to play along with, for those who are interested.

Newton Abbot Orchestra Members
- to be updated...

Suggestions for new repertoire

These suggestions have come from orchestra members, to which we've added some YouTube or Last.fm links so that you can go and listen to them (click on the titles)...

If you think they are a goer (the pieces, not the person who suggested them!) then tell oboe Cath.

If you have any repertoire suggestions please email them to me at: clive(at)silveraven.co.uk

If you can find the pieces on YouTube yourself (or elsewhere) that would be great as I may not have the time. Thanks!

Symphony No. 8 Op. 137 - Spohr (suggested by Clarinet Liz) The link goes to the 3rd movment (on YouTube).

La Boutique Fantasque (a set of six symphonic poems) by Respighi (and Rossini?). (suggested by horn Chris) There seem to be many parts to this so not sure which pieces Chris likes best. The link goes to part one on YouTube...

‘Vltava’ from Má Vlast (a set of six symphonic poems) by Smetana (suggested by bassoon Karen, and recently 'seconded' by violin Mary)

Peter and the Wolf by Sergei Prokofiev (suggested by violin Sandy)

Cavatina by Stanley Myers (suggested by violin Sandy).
Alternative YouTube version - here

‘Overture to Candide’ by Leonard Bernstein (suggested by Mad Sue from Brixham - Cath's words not mine!)

Pavane of Sleeping Beauty (Pavane de la belle au bois dormant) from Ma mère l'oye by Maurice Ravel (suggested by bassoon Karen - though horn Clive again says, let's consider the whole thing?

Grieg's Holberg Suite, Holst's St Paul's Suite and Brook Green Suite have been suggested by clarinet Liz - sorry, I've no time to find them on YouTube right now, so if anyone else wants too...

tuba Ray suggested... we look back at some of the music the Orchestra played before Rob took over as conductor. Good idea? Anyone remember anything they want to play again?

In the Steppes of Central Asia by Borodin (suggested by viola Rosemary).

Le Boeuf sur Le Toit by Darius Milhaud (suggested by cello Micki).

Orchestra jokes

Golden Rules for Ensemble Playing

1. Everyone should play the same piece.

2. Stop at every repeat sign and discuss in detail whether to take the repeat or not.

3. Carefully tune your instrument before playing. This way you can play out of tune all night with a clear conscience.

4. Take your time turning pages.

5. The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note and vice versa.

6. If everyone gets lost except you, follow those who got lost.

7. If a passage is difficult, slow down. Obviously. If it is easy, speed up. Everything will work itself out in the end.

8. If you are completely lost, stop everyone and say: 'I think we should tune up again'.

9. Happy are they who have not got perfect pitch, for the kingdom of music shall be theirs.

10. If the ensemble has to stop because of you, explain in detail why you got lost. Everyone will be very interested.

11. A wrong note played timidly is a wrong note. However, a wrong note played with authority is an interpretation.

12. When everyone else has finished playing, you should not play any notes that you have left.

(thanks to cello Micki - explains a lot!)

Violin jokes

Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
A: The bow is moving.

Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Sit in the back and don't play.

Viola jokes

Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: A viola burns longer.

Q: Why is a violist like a Scud missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.

Cello jokes

Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the cellists.

Double bass jokes

Q: Why did the double bass player get mad at the timpanist?
A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the double bass player which one.

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The piano player can do that with his left hand.

Trumpet jokes

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, 'I could do that better'.

Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong?
A: King Kong is more sensitive.

French Horn jokes

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.

Trombone jokes

Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?
A: A trombone will bend before it breaks.

Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this?
A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig.

Tuba jokes

Q: What is the range of a tuba?
A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.

Q: There are two tuba players sitting in a car. Who's driving?
A: The policeman.

Flute/Piccolo jokes

Q: What's the definition of a minor second?
A: Two flutes playing a unison.

Q: What is perfect pitch on a flute?
A: When it misses the rim of the toilet as you throw it in.

Oboe jokes

Q: How do you get two oboes in tune?
A: Shoot one of them.

Q: What are burning oboes used for?
A: To set bassoons on fire.

Cor Anglais jokes

Q: What's the name of a good Cor Anglais player?
A: I'll tell you when I meet one.

Q: Why is wetting your pants like playing a Cor Anglais?
A: Both give you a warm feeling but no one notices.

Bassoon jokes

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the bassoon recital.

Q: Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon?
A: A bassoon; there's more wood!

Clarinet jokes

Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.

Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.

Percussion jokes

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad?
A: The bass player notices.

and finally… Conductor jokes

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. [Indignant nose upturning] Of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants?
A: They've had little use.

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